I’m making Naia’s last meal for 2019 and the mum guilt is just sinking deeper and deeper by the second. I wash the rice it goes down 1 ft deeper, I thaw the chicken 2 ft deeper.
Argh I hate this mum guilt, do you get those days that the mum guilt is so bad you judge yourself as a mother and think you’re unworthy? Today is one of those days for me.
The mum guilt usually comes and go but it’s hitting me real hard as I prep for tomorrow‘s meal. It’s 31st December, people are welcoming the New Year’s with their loved ones and I’m stuck having to go to work for New Year’s because Sutera Harbour has its “biggest and hottest party of the year”.
And to make it worst, tomorrow is still a working day. Which means I’ll be leaving her already in the morning and only coming back to her probably at 2am *cries me a river* not only do I feel bad for Naia, I feel bad for Mazir too. That means he has to take care of Naia the whole friggin time alone! I’m already trying to plan out what to foodpanda him tomorrow .
Haih. What to do, untuk sesuap nasi kata orang. But I hate that saying you know. I mean I get it, I understand it, I do it, but I hate it. I hate the sacrifice you have to do for it, but itulah namanya sacrifice right? I guess what I’m trying to say is I wish sometimes life we’re simpler or the real world were more understanding about your personal life.
Like you could just simply tell your boss you won’t be able to work because that’s not how you wanna celebrate New Year’s and they’ll understand. But that’s not reality, reality is you need to work because telling your boss you won’t be able to work would only piss them off and we all know pissing the boss just means they’ll make it harder for you to work with them.
For Naia’s last meal of the year I really wanted to make something special, like risotto or baked cheese and stuff but then I thought since she won’t be seeing her Mummy all day long she would want something comforting right? So I made her favourite pasta sauce.
I really wish we could have it some other way baby, but mummy has to work. We probably won’t be able to welcome the New Year’s together but we’ll make up for the time. We can cuddle and you can latch as long as you want after I come back from work.
So while I sit her typing, I’ll be emotional and look back through your photos.